Ever wonder how a teacher can get 25 kids to behave, when you have trouble with just one?
We all could learn a thing or two about positive discipline from watching a good teacher at work (which is one reason we invite our Childhaven parents to sit in on their children’s classrooms).
Teachers know how to be firm without getting angry. They know how to set limits without being rigid. And they know how to get good behavior without doing a lot of disciplining.
Granted, teachers have the advantage of being one step removed, which takes away the emotional strings that can lead to parent-child power struggles. But the strategies they use in the classroom can be employed at home as well. Apply them consistently, and you might begin to notice a calmer, more cooperative relationship with your child.
Here are some discipline tips from Childhaven’s parent educator Nell Robinson and Bethany Larsen, who manages staff training at Childhaven:
- Have a few clear and absolute rules related to health and safety: “We don’t hurt each other with words or actions.” “We take care of ourselves.” If you have a lot of rules, you’re going to be disciplining a lot.
- Apply the “so what” test. So what if he puts catsup on everything. So what if she refuses to wear a coat.
- Give children reasons so they know why they’re being asked to do a certain thing. “Hold my hand when we cross the street because it’s safe.”
- Make your instructions clear, direct and necessary. Some common mistakes parents make include: issuing too many instructions at one time; expecting children to do something beyond their ability; or sending mixed messages (such as asking if they want to brush their teeth when they don’t really have a choice).
- Use “if-then” to help children complete tasks and delay gratification: “If you put your dishes away, you can play with your Legos.”
- Praise your child for doing what you ask, and pay attention when he’s being good. All too often, busy parents unintentionally give their children more attention when they misbehave, which reinforces the bad behavior.
- Give your child choices when appropriate to let her exercise her independence. She can decide which shirt or pair of pants to wear or which toy she wants to bring on a car trip.
- When you’re with your child be with your child, not thinking about work or distracted by other things. Get down on their level as they play and talk and play with them. Make sure you hear what they have to say.
- If you’re busy or need to take some time for yourself, it’s okay to say, “This is my time now.”
- Walk the talk. If you want your child to respect you, show respect for him, too.