After the 10-minute session, Early Childhood Consultant Sara Luce asks Gabby why she thinks her son is so comfortable despite having four other adults in the room.
“Probably because I’m comfortable,” answers Gabby. “I’m feeling comfortable and proud of us, of our little family.”
Gabby is participating in Promoting First Relationships, a new program that uses videotaping and positive feedback to help parents build secure and positive relationships with their young children.
The scientifically-tested program was developed by University of Washington professor Dr. Jean Kelly. It’s based on research that shows that healthy brain development depends on the first relationships babies have with their parents and caregivers. These bonds become the foundation for the child’s social and emotional growth, including how they see themselves and how they treat others.
“Those early attachments are so significant,” says Nell Robinson, a parent educator at Childhaven who has been trained in Promoting First Relationships. “When they’re unhealthy, we know that kids are going to have trouble with relationships, including problems in school and difficulty trusting and connecting with adults.”
Childhaven decided to introduce Promoting First Relationships in 2008 because it fits with the agency’s goal of providing very young children and their parents a basis for trust and healthy relationships. Once more staff members are trained, Childhaven hopes to involve more families.
The 10 weekly sessions are conducted in the family’s home. A trained professional videotapes the parent interacting with the child for 15 minutes, then replays the video for the parent, asking questions and pointing out things the parent is doing right. The goal is to reinforce strengths and help parents understand what social and emotional needs might be driving their child’s behavior.
Parents get to examine their relationship with their child in a supportive, non-threatening environment, says Vicki Nino Osby, senior vice president for program operations. So many of these parents have been under a “microscope of negativity” that it’s good for them to hear about the positive things they’re doing.
The experience has been a real confidence booster for Gabby. She’s grateful to Childhaven for so much, from the donated clothes and toys she gets to the therapeutic child care Christian receives each day.
When she started Promoting First Relationships, she wasn’t sure she could relax in front of the video camera. The first time she was really self-conscious, but her second session felt much more comfortable.
“I think the ‘ah ha’ moment for me was when I realized that I’m actually a good mom,” she says. “I didn’t have that self esteem or confidence. I was just sort of winging it as a parent. With their positive feedback, they’re showing me I’m actually on the right track.”